Yowza! This week, Wednesday, today … it really is hump day as in we are over a hump(s)!
The financial reorganization ball is rolling. The paperwork has been submitted. Here we go. Thankfully, the “paperwork” is actually PDF file editing, i.e. no handwriting – YEA!!! And gathering the info is so much easier, with the combination of my own digital records and online records and ultimately, the process was CONSIDERABLY less painful than previous times.
Then … work … we have had a busy Mon-Wed which looks to continue. But, it is fun stuff and I am enjoying it. The timing, along with the above, makes for some long days, but all to the good.
And in between, never shortened … time outside with Emmett!
Some added fun to the day … today Emmett had his yearly checkup at the vet. Emmett got a good report and all updated on vaccinations, just like me :)
It was an emotional visit. Dr. Leslie wrote me a beautiful note a few weeks after Auggie’s passing. I thanked her today and that opened the floodgates … for all of us. But, the timing was good. I have struggled the last several weeks and talking with Dr. Leslie and the tech who was with us and also knew Auggie … it was the right stuff at the right time.
I did, however, get home feeling exhausted … so was Emmett!
But a long walk, some time playing in the garden hose and we were both feeling ready for some time in the house: Emmett napping and me working.
Hump Day! It is downhill to the weekend :)
A little bonus … I took some video of Emmett pre-vet ..,
“If you don’t know where you are going any road can take you there.”
The Chesire Cat … Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
Ha!
I do not know where I am going, but I had such enlightenment after writing yesterday’s post and then responding to Margaret’s comment.
All of the “what to do, what to do” rolling around in my head has given way to looking forward, with EXCITEMENT, to what might lie ahead.
And also, to focusing on enjoying NOW … enjoying each moment in my current home, with Emmett, in this time of Spring and the renewal of life that Spring suggests.
From Margaret’s comment: “exciting times ahead … “
YES!!
I know that many approach change with trepidation and I am not entirely immune, but mostly I tend to embrace change with excitement … what might happen, what adventures might I have, what new things might I learn ???
Perspective is everything!
From my response to Margaret:
The good … actually GREAT news is that I likely have a lot of flexibility. Because of COVID and people transitioning to remote working and people WANTING to be rural-ish … property values in my area have skyrocketed. So, whether I sell or re-organize, I will be in good shape $$$-wise.
The trick, as always, is “what do I want?”
BUT, the other great news and exciting times ahead is that if I do sell, Emmett and I will board Wild Thing and explore. My thought is that if I sell and it IS a seller’s market in the Mountain West U.S. which is where I will stay … then we will live in Wild Thing and explore some other locations until the housing market cools a bit and then …. ????
I will post more on the blog, but my current situation is a consequence of my choices through the years. Through much life experience, I am somewhat prepared to deal with various uncertainties and enjoy each day :) i.e. “one day at a time” and enjoy “NOW” while in the midst of making decisions.
There you go. For me, the road home, is any road that takes me there … where “there” is, I do not know, but I am so looking forward to the trip!
My trip will be one day at a time, one moment at a time … enjoying each day whatever it might bring.
Once I changed my focus from needing to DECIDE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW, I was able to revert to taking one step at a time and understanding that I did NOT need to decide everything right now. I am gathering information, exploring options … all of the while realizing that there are many things I can do and really, they all sound very exciting to me!
Kind of crazy … for many, many years, I started my mornings with the day’s reading from Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest. After some time of NOT doing that, several days ago, somewhat in desperation, I opened my copy to the day’s reading which was captioned: “Gracious Uncertainty”. Good Grief!!
And from today’s reading:
The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering. If we will take this view, life will become one great romance— a glorious opportunity of seeing wonderful things all the time.
When I bought my house … on the road home … almost 15 years ago (GASP!!), I planned to sell it when I was 65 and use the equity to partially fund my retirement.
I say “planned” VERY loosely. I have never been a great one to plan.
But, my 65th birthday fell during the pandemic AND property values were not what I had hoped and there was no real need so …
Now, though, as I approach 66, there is some need based on my original purchase decisions. And I must make some decisions.
Currently, I am working with financial folks as well as thinking about what I want to do.
It is not clear cut thinking at all!!
I have lived in this house, on this property, with beloved pets … for nearly 15 years. That is longer than I have lived in any house, on any property in my entire life!
Still.
It is a house and a piece of land and my prior experience is that although it was difficult to leave places that I loved and enjoyed, I have been fortunate that the next place has been wonderful and more enjoyable.
So.
I am entering a period of thinking about what to do. This kept me awake for the last several nights … NOT helpful.
But, last night, in the wakeful hours, I remembered something from somewhere: “Do the next right thing”. Right, then. That thought gave me peace and I slept.
Today, I put in motion some things that will give me the information that I need to do the next right thing.
It is pretty rough and I have much to learn about editing, but I am pleased with this first try at capturing a few of the games Emmett and I play.
My thoughts on games:
learning goes easier when it is fun and there are rewards for progress (treats or pats and scratches!) AND we always end on a high note, even if that means doing something very simple that I know will be successful.
I am asking Emmett for his full attention, so I need to remember to give him MY full attention. (Thank you @shelly.and.eiger: Instagram friends in Scotland)
Small steps when learning something new. I spend pre-play time thinking about steps … then we do as much or as little as we are able without frustration or confusion. And if necessary, I stop and we do something easy. I rethink for the next session.
Games and learning new things exercises brains as well as bodies. It is kind of interesting that Emmett gets tired after 5-10 minutes of a game … more tired than after a long (20-30 minute) walk. Even inside! So the games are a great way to get both of us up and moving, even a little bit. Sometimes, inside, we “play” for just 2-3 minutes. I keep a list of things to do and rotate.
So, the video:
The outside bit is our start at learning “STOP” and then sitting or down from a distance. The inside part entailed 4 cameras: my Canon 60D DSLR, Omni Action Cam, iPhone on Omni 4 Gimbal and iPad. I wanted to experiment with putting together snippets and telling a story as well as capturing the action as it happened while we played “Find it”.
The rewards for these particular sessions were pats, scratches and voice praise only. We have played or practiced these before. The other reward is more of a technique … the reward being doing the really fun thing (getting Wubba) after doing what I asked: stop, wait, find. It is a kind of riff on: “if you eat your vegetables, you get dessert”. The idea is that if you do as I ask, even if it is something you’d maybe rather not do … you often then get to do what you really want to do.
That’s it … about 1 hour of video between all of the cameras, condensed into 6 1/2 minutes :) .
Meanwhile, Spring!
All of the things that looked like dead sticks in the woods (little upright dead sticks, not Emmett’s kind of sticks) … now have green leaves ready to burst:
The Western Larch (deciduous pine) have baby needles.
Since I began this blog, in June 2007, I have lost 2 dogs: Karl (cancer) and Bear (old age), and 2 cats: Bob (age and illness) and Auggie (to a cowardly, soul-less human in a truck).
Prior to blogging, but while in Montana, I lost another dog and cat: Zack (cancer) and Gus (probably mountain lion).
Each loss has had its own unique path of grief and … recovery. Recovery is not quite the right word. There is forever a “hole” in the heart for the lost one and forever a place of love and happy memory.
Auggie’s loss has been particularly brutal for me. Auggie was such a beautiful creature: beautiful in body and spirit … affectionate as well as an avid hunter and a unique personality.
No, I am not in deep depths of despair and most of my days are spent in joyous time with Emmett, in this house and woods that I love, doing work that I enjoy, baking, cooking, crafting … but there are times … there are times when I miss Auggie so very much and have to fight a raging anger over a person taking him as well as a heartbreaking sense of loss that he is not here with Emmett and me.
There is one of those statistics about cats that go outside … something along the line of average life span being 3 years.
Auggie was 7 years and 6 months old when he died. He beat the “odds”, but I cannot say that that is any consolation. I have said to myself, whenever I have had a cat … a cat that WANTS to be outside … that it is better that they live their desired life, even if shortened … and I do really believe that, but as a human caretaker and lover of my pets, it is not easy when the worst happens.
I have had a dog and a cat most of my time in Montana.
I don’t know.
Right now, I am mostly peaceful about my household being Emmett and me.
I have looked at the shelter cats and dogs and tried to imagine adding …
