Arrived Helena, MT

Bear and I are parked and set up for the week in Helena, Montana…94 miles south of where we were in Great Falls.

I had close to something like a panic attack last night when I was thinking through the logistics of the move. I don’t know…it was like I was abandoning Bob. Off and on, I thought…well, I will just stay here another week, I do not HAVE to go.

I thought about waiting until I had Bob’s ashes with us. (I arranged to have them mailed to my house…) Silly…Bob is in my heart and mind and memory, but I also know that sometimes logic just does not cut it in the journey through loss.

I gave myself leeway to stay if I really needed to.

Off and on, this morning, I was tempted to stay but ultimately I was looking forward to spending some time in Helena and finally told myself to buck up and go.

Which we did.

And we are now here in Helena.

It was an easy drive on Interstate 15. The terrain changes from rolling ranch land to rocky caverns. It was and is smoky-hazy, but it was still very pretty. I stopped about halfway for a walk with Bear and a pre-lunch snack.

I had planned to go to the Helena Costco before the RV park and stock a few things but I needed gas…the first gas stop was actually the road the RV park is on and while stopped, some folks were asking about Bear and I asked about Costco and they said there was not a lot of open parking. The gas spot had an on-site market: Bob’s Market. I took that as a sign, got a few things from Bob’s and we rolled the last 1/2 mile to the RV park. We’ll hit Costco in the Jeep one morning this week.

And, I am so proud of myself…I thought up a new trick to help stay cool while hooking up/unhooking. This morning as I was in and out, taking my time, but still heating up (it was 70F!!!) – I took a dish towell, soaked it in cool water and tied it around my neck. Yes!! When I was ready to leave, I rinsed it, put it in a zip lock bag and then into the freezer. Arriving Helena: 76F, I put my semi-frozen horsehoe of a dishtowel around my neck as I unhooked the Jeep and hooked up water and power. VERY successful. I was still warm but much more comfortable and it took me only minutes to cool down once back in Wild Thing. Hoo-rah!

We don’t have shade here. We are pointed due North so taking the early afternoon sun off the driver side rear, but Wild thing is keeping up and it is not to be quite as hot as Great Falls. Also, there is a better chance of afternoon showers, just this 90 miles south.

Things are a bit more exciting for Bear. There are no kids but seems like everyone has a dog and he’s worn himself out thinking about that and is now sound asleep on the dash. I believe he will adjust.

I made myself a rather large margarita for an after lunch treat. I believe I will adjust also. But right now, I’m going to take a nap.

Onward.

Chile season

Forging ahead.

I cook.

I eat.

It’s chile season…fresh Anaheims…roasted.

Added to tortilla dough.

Yes, it is still hot and mostly I’ve been cooking early morning, but I needed to cook this afternoon…

…so, I did.

The Bear-boy was in attendance.

*** Homesick Texan’s Hatch Chile Flour Tortilla recipe

****** Wild Thing has GREAT exhaust fans and the humidity is barely double digits and our spot is shaded so it IS possible to “heat up the kitchen” and keep it cool as well!

A Big Orange Sun

I have received such wonderful words… by email and phone.

Thank you, dear friends.

But, some very special and oh, so helpful words and thoughts came today from dear Margaret in Greece.

She wrote:

Today I couldn’t help thinking of Mr Bob and the image in my mind was of a big, orange sun. His warmth spread across oceans to another continent and stole into my heart. His life was full, his company, the best. You made all the right decisions – his quality of life was the important thing.

Those words, the mind’s eye image, came just when I needed it.

I was ready for my work meeting with half an hour to go and suddenly the grief hit and I just wanted to crawl into bed.

But, these words, the image, the love and the goodness of Bob…

This evening, the universe agreed and as Bear and I had our evening walk…

A big Orange Sun: Mr. Bob’s LOVE…. across the world.

Staying put

Bear and I are staying put…

Funny to show a photo of a teepee, the ultimate nomad home, with a “staying put” title???

Well, we are on the road but for the moment, staying put.

I do NOT move Wild Thing if I am less than 100% and I am less than 100% and know that it is best to just stay put.

And I do not want to go back to the house.

I spoke to my neighbors. It is smoky. The yellow jackets are still around in abundance. I would have to face that house without Bob and I am not ready for that.

We, Bear and I, are comfortable in this spot. We have wonderful places to walk and good facilities.

I am paid until Sunday.

Tentatively, we will move to Helena for next week and I’m considering the following month in Dillon, Montana.

I have a work deadline tomorrow. I am in pretty good shape to meet the deadline. Work is a good distraction.

Meanwhile, Bear and I will stay put and start the process of learning to live our current existence without Bob.

RATS!

I hate this! I really hate this.

In His Hands: Bob

Bob developed sepsis. The bacteria thought to have been irradicated by the surgery got into his blood. I was with him this morning as the euthanasia drugs were administered and he passed quietly as I told him I loved him, prayed for a peaceful passing and gave thanks for Bob’s good life.

Bob: A good cat and wonderful companion. Although I hoped we would have more, I am grateful for the years we had together.

In His Hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.
Job 12: 7-10

Bear and me

Two is not three.

We should be three.

Bob is 5 minutes away but it seems like more sometimes.

Sometimes, I would like to just go and GET HIM HOME.

But.

All is going well, under the circumstances, for Bob.

And this challenging time for all of us will hopefully be just a memory soon.

Meanwhile.

Bear and me.

We have to live and work and walk and have treats.

We do.

This photo is from 8/17…last Saturday evening, from Bear’s and my evening walk.

Last weekend, there were people around the teepee and I didn’t realize that it was part of the campground until yesterday.

Last evening, after a very difficult day of worry over Bob (SILLY/STUPID…but there it is) and a full day of work and it was hot, etc., etc. – Bear and I went for our walk and I took the camera and hoped to see the rising moon and also to explore what this campground calls “the Nature Trail”.

Bear and I discovered that the “Nature Trail”, included the teepee and also that since there was no one else around…off leash it was, quiet and peaceful and watching the moon, enjoying the big sky and open views.

Bear and Me.