Archive for ‘April, 2011’

In His Hands: Karl

A lump removed from Karl’s groin about 6 weeks ago was definitive for adenocarcinoma. Having been up and down with diagnoses since last August 1, I chose to continue postive, hopeful and enjoying each moment with Karl.

Over the last two weeks, Karl has been up and down and last week, a steady decline. Sunday, I took Karl to the ER vet intending to let him go. Dr. Scott Smiley, who took care of us in August, was on duty. Dr. Smiley has a mobile operation for home and ranch veterinary service. We spoke. I made the decision to take Karl home and have Dr. Smiley come to the house this (Monday) morning.

It was a long night but this morning, there was a dusting of snow and it was snowing lightly when we went outside. I sat with Karl in the woods, with the snow softly falling. I thought of all of the wonderful walks we had. I concentrated on enjoying our last hours together by remembering our wonderful 10 years together.

About 30 minutes before Dr. Smiley was due, Karl woke. His eyes were clear. His personality shone through them. He kissed me. I smiled into his eyes and told him I loved him. He lay his head down.

Dr. Smiley arrived and administered a sedative first. When Karl was sedated, the final shot was given with me holding Karl. Karl’s passing was quiet and peaceful.

It is a heartbreaking loss. I’ve loved Karl with all my heart for 10 years and will love and miss him for all of my days. I have no regrets over the decision to let him go this morning and know that he is out of pain. I am grateful beyond words for how peaceful it was and what a beautiful morning we had as well as the joy of the last 10 years.

I learned a lot over the last months and hope I can share that over time.

For today, I celebrate Karl’s life and the great privilege I had of sharing his life and of knowing his great and loving spirit.

In His Hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.
Job 12: 7-10

Light in the woods

Saturday morning sunrise through the woods.

I love the light in the woods. I take a LOT of photos of light in the woods. I stand and watch the light in the woods: sunrise, sunset, foggy light, moonlight, starlight.

Saturday dawned clear and stayed that way…a glorious harbinger of Spring and yet cool enough that I kept a small fire going as well. Saturday was a day of taking a break from a “to do” list and just being…enjoying a day spent sitting outside with Bob and Karl, working a bit inside while they napped in the afternoon, shuffling through the woods to see if anything new was making an appearance, hamburgers on the grill, a long talk with a dear friend, off and on house cleaning (that DARN sun coming in the windows :)! )… an exquisite day of peace and joy and love that started with the light in the woods.

Hope all had a lovely weekend and are starting the week rested and refreshed.

Thursday morning sunshine

Through the woods…

Around Karl as he buries a treat…

…digs it back up and then eats it.

On a fresh batch of treats ready for the oven.

He may not be “in” the sunshine, but Bob is part of my sunshine :)!

Outlining the trees and lighting the mountain tops: Thursday morning sunshine.

Redux: To be good and happy today

The quote from Sydney Smith: “We know nothing of tomorrow; our business is to be good and happy today” keeps coming to the forefront of my thoughts today. When that happens there is usually a reason. It is a good mantra when worry about tomorrow threatens or even when today feels difficult. I say the words, breathe deeply, exhale fully, smile, look on Karl, Bob, the woods – whatever is at hand that is good.

The words keep coming to me. Maybe I am meant to throw them back out into the Universe so here they are with the original post from September 27, 2007.

“We know nothing of tomorrow; our business is to be good and happy today”. –Sydney Smith

I woke up this morning feeling overwhelmingly thankful…for everything – for the laughter, the joy, the beauty of my days as well as for the challenges, sorrows and disappointments – for everything! It is all part of my life and I’m grateful for all of it.

If life were one smooth, flat ride the view would be lousy – and boring!! It takes a couple of trips to the valley floor to really appreciate the climb up and the beauty of the grand mountain view. And it is on those tumbles down that we often learn who we are, what we are made of, our strengths and weaknesses – and what we don’t want or who we don’t want to be which helps to clarify what we DO want.

A favorite mystery series I read features Amelia Peabody Emerson, wife of a famous Egyptologist and no slouch herself in that department. It is a fun romp of the Errol Flynn sort with the good guys always coming out on top. Amelia’s catch line when things are on the challenging side is biblical: the last line of Matthew 6:34: “Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof” (King James Version). The more current translation is “Each day has enough trouble of it’s own” – but the first lines are “Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself”. Sometimes, when I find myself distracted by fretting about some future worry I picture Amelia and say the words and laugh – because, it is true and – “our business is to be good and happy today”!

And for today’s “illustration” – this photo is Karl on the right and Sparky, an 11 month old Border Collie belonging to Bob and Inez Love. Bob logged my property this spring and Sparky was normally along. Sparky and Karl bonded immediately and played, wrestled, chased and napped together. I don’t claim to know what really goes on in their little doggie brains but it seems pretty clear that they do not worry about any tomorrows.

Sparky and Karl